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Tesla Wants You to Know That Cybertruck Can Compensate for More Than Just a Small Penis

Tesla is gearing up to manufacture 90,000 Cybertrucks in 2024, and in a novel twist to its marketing strategy, Tesla has launched a campaign to pre-emptively strike against the stereotype that its revolutionary Cybertruck is just a tool for men grappling with size insecurities in the nether regions. The cutting-edge automaker wants to make it clear: its all-electric pick-up truck is designed to compensate for a wide spectrum of perceived male deficiencies, not just the proverbial small penis.

“We’re aware of the cliché that men use big, flashy trucks to compensate for certain…shortcomings,” stated a Tesla spokesperson at the campaign’s unveiling. “But we want to get ahead of that narrative. Our Cybertruck can be a solution for so much more.”

The “More Than Just Size” campaign, paints a picture of the Cybertruck as the great equalizer. Feeling too short? Stepping out the Cybertruck (in your 3 in. platform boots) will make you feel like a towering giant. Struggling with a lack of physical strength? Just mention the 14,000-pound towing capacity of your Cybertruck.

For those battling the woes of aging or the gradual retreat of a once full head of hair, Tesla’s Cybertruck offers a bold symbol of cutting-edge youthfulness and vitality. As one ad puts it, “Who needs hair when you have a bulletproof exoskeleton?” Another clever tagline for man insecure about old age states, “Won’t live to see 2040? Drive a car from 2050 today.”

Even for those dealing with waning masculinity, Tesla’s campaign promises a boost. “Low testosterone? Try not to feel jacked trampling over whatever old garbage you find in the back of your shed with your equally small-dicked compadres.”

The campaign already features an array of colorful advertisements with men of different ages, builds, and heights, all standing confidently by their Cybertrucks. The rub? “Tesla Cybertruck: Arrive with the overinflated ego you deserve.”

In response to whether the campaign might reduce the Cybertruck to a symbol of compensation, the spokesperson admitted, “That’s literally why it was invented. This truck isn’t for anyone who’s ever done a shred of self reflection.”

The message from Tesla seems unequivocal: whether you’re grappling with height, strength, age, hair loss, or feeling a dip in your masculine vibe, the Cybertruck has got you covered. Because confidence, much like the Cybertruck, comes with a hefty price tag for most men.

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